When working with my life coaching clients I find that its ironic that the only certainty we have in life is change, yet it is so difficult for the average person to adapt to the inevitable changes that life throws at us. Most of our general concerns are based on the fact that we are not satisfied with an aspect of our life and hope that it can change somehow, yet when we are faced with the consequences and reality of what that change will really mean in our life, we quickly try to hold on to our past. This idea of holding on is often a very subconscious act so it can be difficult to acknowledge that it is even happening. What this article intends to do is highlight these hidden chains that seem to hold so many people back from what they really want in life.

1. Honour The Family Code

This is probably one of the most difficult parts to break free from for my life coaching clients since it would have been such a powerful guide throughout a persons life. These family codes can be the similar traits we have to each other, the things that irritate us about our family (often particular individuals), the family obligations, the dark secrets, the limited belief & value systems and the need to maintain the family dynamic (aka. do not rock the boat). Since a child learns most aspects of how to conduct their life from their immediate family while growing up, they will hold onto those guidelines rather tightly, even if such guidelines are limited, damaging or false.
The other issue can be experienced is when the person tries to run from their past. Since we attract what we put our attention towards, we will find that when we thought we were running away, we were actually running toward. The negative associations of which you try to run from end up becoming a major part of how you conduct your life. This leaves us with a conundrum. How does one break free of their family code and live a life as your own person? It is essential to figure out how to integrate the teachings and the lessons from the family code to help enrich your current life. It is also necessary to acknowledge your past as part of your life story and to not allow your past to provide you with a crutch, something to hide behind. Sometimes it will be necessary to consult with a life coach in your area to help you deal with such a concern.

2. Fear Of The Unknown

The question that your mind will immediately ask when you are trying to create change in your life is: “Who will I be if I don’t have these issues anymore?” Change requires a brave state-of-mind to accept that it can’t see its next move, but it steps in spite of it anyway. At some stage in your past, the limitation you are now experiencing would have served you in some way, so you accepted it as part of your world view. Now, you are unsatisfied with the results it keeps giving (or not giving) and you want to change that. Try and find the value of it. How did your current issue add positive value to your life? Be truly honest with yourself at this point. Even a drug addict will admit that drugs have added some sort of value (be it increased relaxation, stimulation, disassociation or pleasure). If you can find the value, you can find the potential void that taking that issue out of your life will leave you with. That void is the unknown space that may be the reason for fear of the unknown. The ego hates uncertainty and isolation that change often brings with it so it will do everything in its power to maintain the life that it knows so that everything can stay the same, even if that means having to continue feeling unhappy, unfulfilled and unsatisfied.

3. Accepting Full Responsibility

Life coaching has taught me one thing, and that’s no ones likes being wrong. It makes us feel vulnerable. This world is littered with excuses of not taking full responsibility for one’s actions. If a person is to truly grow and mature from life’s experiences, then it is crucial that they learn to take responsibility for their life. Even if you have been dealt some difficult cards in your life, it is up to you to control the stories your mind makes about such moments. This is not to say that if you have experienced extreme trauma that you must just get over it, but if you have received adequate counselling and are living a relatively normal life, then you now have the ability to control the stories you tell yourself.
The mind is a very powerful tool and can generalise, distort and delete information from an incident to help you create the story you want to see in your mind. With that being said, what stories are you telling yourself over and over again that may be generalising, distorting and/or deleting crucial parts so you don’t have to take full responsibility?

4. You Actually Don’t Want To Change

Sometimes in life coaching you must be brutally honest with yourself. Do you truly want this change? Are you willing to accept the sacrifice, the effort and the reality of such a change in your life? Is it maybe just easier to live with the irritation of your current life issue? There is a reality to change and one must be willing to see beyond the illusions of what they think change will bring. No said this had to be a walk in the park. However, no one said that complaining is going to solve your problems either. You always have a choice and that is the beauty of free will. If you truly want change in your life, you can make it happen… If you are prepared for what it takes to change.

Thanks for reading,
Donovan – Life Coach

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