There is a quiet rumbling going on in people that I see in my life coaching practise. It silently disturbs our dull, slumber-like existence with awkward questions like: “What am I supposed to be doing with my life?”; “Surely I am meant to do something more than this?”; “What is the meaning of all of this?”
Worse still is the nagging realisation how fast life is passing by as though we are somehow being called to take action of some sort and have an impact in the world as the sand in our hour glass slowly slips away. To many, this call will go unanswered and in its place will be the feelings of guilt, sorrow & regret for a half-lived life that seems to be on a cycle of dissatisfaction. These unanswered calls will carry with them the echo’s of Henry David Thoreau as he so wisely stated: “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
The characteristics of the need to change often come from feelings such as anxiety, depression, guilt, regret and frustration. These so-called symptoms are rudimentary feedback mechanisms that seem to slap a person in the face. Unfortunately most of us have not been educated properly in this regard and take these feelings personally as a way of being hard on themselves. We fail to recognise what they are trying to tell us and instead feel offended by such a forward approach to “Wake Us Up!” There is a necessity to change, adapt and transform to the ever-changing landscape of the human experience. These are universal gifts which help us to fully understand ourselves, other people, the environment and reality as a whole.
Due to rapid rate of societal evolution, we are now faced with too much comfort to change. All our basic needs are essentially met, so when the average person is faced with the discomfort of the potential to change, they will rather choose the “easy road” of mediocrity and simply brush their concerns under the carpet. However, the underlying issue never goes away and tends to be dealt with by using escapist methods such as alcohol consumption, drug abuse, TV, and a plethora of other distracting and mindless methods to help get away from reality. While this does the job in the short term, it simply fails to fix the problem in the long run, and worse still, can make the problem even worse.
What Is Change?
Should we get to a point where we realise that change must happen, we may be faced with the intimidating thoughts of what should be changed and how? Where does one start on their quest to realise what change means to them?
When working with a life coach, you will understand that the very fact of understanding that change must happen means that the first step has been taken.
It has been widely documented that people who choose to learn & grow from life’s experiences, move toward what they really want in life, contribute to the development of society, and strive to become a person of value, flourish the most during their life and understand the true meaning of a successful life.
Living a successful life does not mean that one will not feel the pains of loss, failure, embarrassment, fear, heart-ache and/or disappointment. Instead it means that one can become immersed in the full dynamic of life. To feel the difficult feelings fully and then to come out the other side as a stronger person. Such a person does not shy away from life in fear that something might go wrong. They go into life knowing that everything is essentially out of their control, filled with mystery and glistened with unpredictable circumstances.
No one said change must be easy or fun. No one said that we mustn’t feel intimidated when approaching change… But what no one mentions is that pain of a life half-lived is far worse than the pain of change.
Step One! Change Your Thoughts
Most of our issues are contained in the stories we tell ourselves on a day-to-day basis and are hardly ever based on what is actually going on around us. It is important to recognise how powerful a thought can be. It is like a virus and can completely alter reality. People once thought the Earth was flat and that it was the centre of the universe. Some people now think they are not good enough, smart enough or just not enough to be the person they want to be. These people will seek out evidence that proves their allegations to be correct, while at the same time will overlook anything that proves the contrary.
A consistent thought will evolve into a belief, which will transform into a part of one’s identity. Once it has reached this stage, it would have become so embedded into the persons self-belief that they won’t even question how true its origins really are.
Step Two! Discover!
Instead of trying to figure out where you fit in, rather focus on trying new things, exploring your curiosity and playing with new ideas. Stay away from needing to get everything right and wondering if what you are doing is the right thing or a waste of time. Nothing is wasted if it is done with the right intention to discover who you really are. New experiences create transformation, clarity and greater awareness. It is from these spaces that a different approach can be taken to how your life is being lived and what else may be possible.
When working with a life coach, they will help us embark on a challenging pursuit that moves us out of our comfort zone, out brains go into hyper-drive in order to adapt to the new landscape. This process alone creates massive internal growth and is a key component to living the good life. undiscovered capabilities become unearthed and we begin to realise that we are far more capable of handling life that we once thought.
Death will knock on all of our doors and this is a simple fact of life. When that day comes, we will realise how small our insecurities really were. For the lucky few who would have been able to transcend these momentary insecurities and live a full life, death will be welcomed as the next step of change.
Thanks for reading,
Donovan – Life Coach